I Am One Billion

3 August 02008 (1781 days ago)1,582 views4 minutes of your time
life happens
weird & whimsical

The statute of limitations on this post has expired!

Note the date: This post was originally published in 2008 and is kept here largely for archival purposes. Anything older than three years may contain ideas and opinions for which such a gap of time has likely reshaped, altered, softened, re-jigged, or otherwise changed those ideas and opinions to a state incongruent with my current existence.

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Call it retroactive boredom. One day — I don’t remember when — a couple years back I was bored. Does that set the stage? I must have been typing odd conversions into Google, calculating the number of hours in a year, or the number of minutes in a decade. It was that type of bored. At one point, if I can pull the dusty file from my memory and recall exactly, I mentally notched out my age in years to a couple decimal points and asked Google to convert it to seconds — and surprise, it was a few millions short of a billion. Again if I recall correctly, I did the reverse: how many years are a billion seconds? And matching that to a corresponding date on the calendar in relation to my date of birth — accounting for leap years — and I came up with sometime in the afternoon of August 3, 2008, local time. I recorded in the calendar, and all week my notification has been blinking with the upcoming event: “One Billion Seconds”

So, be nice to an old guy. I’m in my billions now. Yes, the big one-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh.

What, No Party?

In lieu of a party I’ve decided to host a little celebration contest right here, right now. We’re going to play a little game of FACT-OR-FICTION and the winner will receive, via email, a $10 (Canadian) gift certificate to Amazon.ca!

Rule 1: I gotta know you or have met you at least once, face to face.
Rule 2: One entry per person — yes, per PERSON.
Rule 3: Comment on this post to enter. If more than one correct entry is given by midnight TONIGHT I will draw for a winner from those entries. If no one wins by MIDNIGHT the first post-midnight time-stamp with the correct answer wins.
Rule 3.5: It’s not my fault if you “shout out” the answer too quick and lower your odds in a draw. Strategic commenting might be the key.
Rule 4: Contest closes TOMORROW at midnight — August 4, 2008, MST.
Rule 5: Prize delivered via the email you use to comment. No exchanges on the prize and no guarantees, blah, blah, blah…
Rule 6: Every entry MUST answer a skill testing question — name your favorite cheese with a (precisely) five word explanation why — else risk disqualification.

The One Billion Second Challenge

Your task if you choose to accept it…? One of the following ten statements is TRUE. The other nine are FALSE, FLAWED, or otherwise MISLEADING. Figure it out. Tell me which one is TRUE.

Statement 1: For a short while in University I ran a website in my spare time that reviewed movies where bugs were an essential element of the plot.

Statement 2: I was once interviewed on CBC’s Marketplace about copying CDs and music piracy because I had written about it in my blog.

Statement 3: When I packed up and moved out to Vancouver, my first purchase upon arriving in that city was a brand new spatula.

Statement 4: In December 2006 I camped outside a Best Buy in my car to buy a Nintendo Wii, but they were sold out before I got one, and I still don’t own one.

Statement 5: A couple summers ago I burnt my right forearm on a hot lawnmower motor while mowing the lawn and had to see a doctor.

Statement 6: While living in Vancouver, over the course of one tedious November, I wrote a NaNoWriMo fifty-thousand word novel about a pirate named Red who stole the colour red.

Statement 7: In early 2003 someone broke into our Burnaby apartment while we were out shopping and among the stolen items was my first MP3 player.

Statement 8: I placed second in the Provincial Science Fair in Grade 9 and was asked to give a speech at our school assembly.

Statement 9: I stopped donating blood because my iron levels have dropped too low since switching jobs, likely due to the amount of sitting.

Statement 10: “It’s a Wonderful Life” is one of my favorite movies and I’ve seen every Jimmy Stewart movie ever made.

Now guess, and we’ll see you in another BILLION! (Or sooner.) Good luck!


Your Turn...

19 Comments »

  • Tiffany said:

    WEll I am shouting out early but it’s just a guess anyways.

    Statment 7.

    # 3 August 2008 at 1:14 pm
  • Jori said:

    I’ll guess Statement 5.

    # 3 August 2008 at 4:35 pm
  • Deb said:

    I will guess statement 3. It’s worth a shot, since most of these seem at least somewhat likely….MOST….not all. :)
    Deb

    # 3 August 2008 at 5:45 pm
  • 8r4d (author) said:

    Everyone so far seems to think Rule #6 was a joke. Just sayin’…

    # 3 August 2008 at 6:23 pm
  • Shannon said:

    #3… Gouda: Because it is so good ah!

    # 3 August 2008 at 8:29 pm
  • Shannon said:

    Here is my real reason I like Gouda in only 5 words, not 6, because, yes I can’t always count…
    It is so good ah!

    (Statement 3)

    # 3 August 2008 at 8:35 pm
  • Derek said:

    #5…cheddar – it is so much better

    # 3 August 2008 at 9:03 pm
  • Jeff said:

    Each PERSON in my household would like to take a guess as we have all seen you in person at least once in our lives.

    Jeff thinks it is number 2.

    Erin says number 3.

    Emily says number 7 since we were there shortly after, but it might have been the digital camera.

    Jack says number 6…he likes pirates.

    Carson thinks it is number 5.

    We all like Havarti. Is good at a party!

    # 3 August 2008 at 9:04 pm
  • Deb said:

    Oh! I thought the WINNER had to answer it!
    Old cheddar- because nothing quite tastes better. :-D
    Still #3

    # 4 August 2008 at 8:17 am
  • 8r4d (author) said:

    Deb, so you weren’t anticipating the possibility of a win then?

    # 4 August 2008 at 1:36 pm
  • Ryan said:

    I think its #2
    Cheddar – It almost works on everything

    # 4 August 2008 at 8:54 pm
  • Christou said:

    You know what they say… don’t trust anyone older than a billion.

    I’m guessing #3

    # 4 August 2008 at 8:57 pm
  • 8r4d (author) said:

    Ah! Contest is closed and YES there will be a winner. Maybe it was too easy but there are multiple people who got it right. I’m going to get Claire to do the draw either today to tomorrow and I’ll post the winner after that!

    # 5 August 2008 at 8:55 am
  • bradgarten » Blog Archive » And the Winner is… said:

    [...] multiple people who got it right, but there were exactly THREE people who guess correctly that the only completely true statement was Statement #3 — and guessed that prior to the FIRST DAY MIDNIGHT DEADLINE. (Sorry, Chris. So close but no [...]

    # 6 August 2008 at 7:29 pm
  • Deb said:

    I don’t know….my warped mind though we only had to answer the question AFTER we discovered we had the right answer…glad i at least got the answer right. :)

    # 7 August 2008 at 8:49 pm
  • Deb said:

    Now I want to know what statements were false, which were flawed, which were misleading….and what the true stories are on the ones that were flawed and misleading.

    # 8 August 2008 at 8:37 am
  • 8r4d (author) said:

    Yeah, it really makes you wonder, doesn’t it? I guess we’ll never know.

    # 8 August 2008 at 8:40 am
  • Jeff said:

    I can tell you some of them. And perhaps if I am wrong, we’ll never know!

    # 10 August 2008 at 9:41 pm
  • 8r4d (author) said:

    Though Jeff, I wouldn’t be giving away too much for free. I’m sure you have secrets that are worth money.

    # 11 August 2008 at 11:17 am


About the Author
Brad started bradgarten reloaded in 2001 as a collection of ‘letters home’ from Vancouver, after moving out West for a job. The blog has had many names since then, the topics have changed, and the the quality is (arguably) improved — but the author is the same old neurotic author as the first day he wrote that first post.

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